


I’ll survive

by Jinkhoe



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Arguing, Fluff, M/M, Try hard drama, over protective haise ftw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 21:48:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14387793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinkhoe/pseuds/Jinkhoe
Summary: As much as Washuu didn't want to waste a skilled man on the job wearing a lolita outfit , he agrees. Just to get it over with and proceeds to discuss further details.But Haise, oh-Haise didn't give a single flying fuck.





	I’ll survive

**Author's Note:**

> tis’ I , cinna the satanic raccoon trying to write a fic for my rarepair otp, the anime made me ship them again— so expect me writing a bunch of cheesy prompts for my best boys

It wasn't until the special class investigator insisted that he could come along on the inside infiltration. The mission where he and Rank 3 Mutsuki would disguise themselves as women and stake out the auction from the inside. Washuu wasn't having none of it, the irritating bright smirk that the raven haired male shed was utterly too bright for the current atmosphere they were on. Yet in their situation right now it was honestly a good idea that a skilled investigator would come along Mutsuki. As much as Washuu didn't want to waste a skilled man on the job wearing a lolita outfit , he agrees. Just to get it over with and proceeds to discuss further details.

But Haise, oh-Haise didn't give a single flying fuck.

"What in the hell, Juuzou?", The ghoul investigator bickered. Stopping from their tracks before heading their ways to their own offices.

"What?", Juuzou replied. Looking at the taller male.

"What do you mean, what? Do you even know how stupid that act you just pulled?", He's angry- no furious. The latter concludes.

"As If I'll let your young one roam around the auction looking like a kid lost in a park" The ravenette says nonchalantly. Throwing his arms to reach the back of his neck then turning around. "In any case, you should be thanking me"

"No!", Haise hollered. "It's not that, It's bad enough that the chairman wanted Mutsuki to infiltrate the mission alone— but you're now there too. Do you even know how dangerous that mission is?"

"Living in this world is dangerous as it is", The ravenette shots him a glare. Ruby tinted eyes meet with hazel ones. This was a strange look from the associate special class, he can't even distinguish what he's actually feeling himself. "What the fuck is you're problem anyway? Don't you have faith in me?"

Silence grew between the two, their yells echo across the empty hallways of the CCG. Both of them look down in embarrassment for what they've said. But too shy to even say anything back.

"I-I was just worried about you.", Haise said softly. Then turning around to face the other direction. A hint of sadness in his tone. "I guess I didn't have to worry after all”

Then the ghoul investigator storms off, before Juuzou could say anything. He didn't really mean it like that, he didn't actually know what gotten in to him. A part of him just reminded himself that everyone's against him and doesn't believe in him. But rather than that, he didn't realize that Haise was worried about him. 

Juuzou wanted to move his feet and hug that man from behind. The slow steps of Haise from distance tells him that he wanted him to do that. But pride wins all and the both of their egos reign. 

The ravenette sank down into the walls of the CCG and glances at the breath taking view of the corrupted city of Tokyo. The first ward was always prettier than that 13th. Sometimes you really have to take time and realize the small things that make life as it is. 

Juuzou sighed, 'relationships are hard'

•••

The both of them knew that their relationship had a massive hole that made things difficult. That at the end of the day they both knew that it wasn't really meant to be. Yet unconditionally they've managed to be together for the past 7 months. Ever since Haise's few weeks in the CCG. Their relationship consisted of rollercoasters of problems and obstacles, some of which involve time, memories and most notably morality. They both knew that having a relationship meant doing anything for one another; risking their being to keep the other one safe. That only meant it's a weakness. Shinohara always used to say that the thing you desire the most is your one true weakness. And he was right, Haise Sasaki was madly inlove with the bright walking ray of light that is Juuzou Suzuya. The man who gave him hope in the midst of dealing with the past memories that had been shattered. He gave him meaning, he showed him that he's not alone in a world full of demons choking the necks of other people. Juuzou killed the despair in his life that held him back, and even though episodes and hallucinations came flashing in the minds of Haise, his boyfriend was always there to wipe the tears in cold nights.

Haise grew furious. Kicking the massive punching bag to the point that it broke into pieces. It's contents scattering all over the training room.

"Okay! The punching bag's dead time for a break!", Saiko yells, slobbing over the place mat and quickly drifting off to sleep the moment her body hits the ground.

Shirazu and Mutsuski noticed the anger in their mentor's expression. Concerned about what had happened earlier that lead to Haise's excessive rage.

It was a week away from the auction arc. And the higher ups instructed heavy training and a lot of paperwork. That means Juuzou and Haise didn't had time for eachother once again. And Juuzou massively hated it.

While the Suzuya squad trained in their own chateau, the Quinx were planning on tactics on how to approach any ghouls that wander the place. Now they were gathered up in the living room. Freshly bathed after a hard knock of training, Haise couldn't deny that he only had one person in his mind while hot droplets of water drizzled down his pale skin in the shower, nonetheless he was still out of his thoughts.

Yet in the middle of their meeting, Mutsuki receives a phone call from Juuzou. Haise felt his heart shatter, because at this time of the hour he could have called by now and asked him about his day. He tried not to show his expression but Shirazu quickly caught on his superior's thoughts.

"Uh-Sasaki-san, Juuzou wanted me to spend the night at his place so we could train the first thing in the morning", The green haired male said, shyly.

Hurt, Haise Sasaki was hurt. 

"Oh! Sure go ahead", but nobody needed to know that. 

"I'll go on ahead and pack my bags, goodnight everyone", But before Mutsuki climbs up the stairs, Haise stops him.

"What is it, sensei?"

"D-did Juuzou said anything... about me?", it was quiet all the way his sentence. And that gave Shirazu the hint.

"N-No, sorry. He didn't", It was strange, Maybe Juuzou was that upset. Haise thought. 

"Carry on, then"

The night concluded with Haise sleeping with phone in his hand, waiting for Juuzou's texts if he somehow ever replies.

While in the 13th ward's chateau, Mizurou stumbles upon Juuzou on the balcony, his slender figure balances on the rails, as the evening breeze takes his bobby pins in place. The rest of the Suzuya squad knew of Juuzou's habit of going through high places whenever he's upset. It's better not to ask whatever's bothering his superior. And whatever that is, he's sure that he'll handle it.

Ego - 1 Love - 0

That same morning, Juuzou arrives with Mutsuski. A training session with the Quinx was up to schedule, and no matter how Haise and Juuzou tried to deny that they didn't had bad blood in their veins, atleast they'll try to get along for their teams.

Haise spots, them enter the training field of the CCG. Juuzou's choppy raven hair is tied into a messy bun, he wears a light weight training get up that showed his prosthetic. Saiko and Shirazu were amused that the his boyfriend had managed to survive with a single foot in the battle of the owl. Urie who was surprisingly there was amazed too.

Their eyes meet, but quickly dodging each other's gaze and heading back to their teams. As much as Juuzou wanted to yell Haise's name like he normally does, and snatch whatever snack he has in the ghoul investigator’s pocket, something that he tends to do when they meet, he restrained himself pretty well.

"Nakarai and Urie", you both are up. Haise instructs them, as they prepare to spar.

"W-wait, Sassan, isn't it great if the both of you and Juuzou teach us the proper way of fighting?", Shirazu had caught up on how the two lovers reacted to his statement, and with His and Saiko's peptalk about the whole love quarrel, this will probably help.

"Yeah Suzuya-senpai! It's been awhile since I've seen you spar!", Hanbee cheers, getting slapped by Nakarai after.

"I-I don't think that's a good id-", 

"Sure why not?", Juuzou interrupted. Haise's eyes moving towards his lover, a shocked expression from him. Oddly enough Juuzou was calmer than usual.. it was if he wasn't affected at the slightest.

"Alright then", Haise couldn't say no, since he obviously taught his members to not hold back on whoever ghoul they came across.

"I'll go easy..", The multi-colored haired male whispers to the ravenette. A huge mistake from the male, as Juuzou angrily punches him all the way to the wall, his body crashing into the heavy equipment. Leaving the whole squads frightened and bewildered. Marking into their notes to never mess with Juuzou Suzuya.

"Tch-Im out of here. This was a waste of time", Juuzou hollered, grabbing his bag and jacket then exiting the training room. Suprised that Haise still managed to stand up after the huge crash, quickly following him.

"Juuzou! I-",

"I- what? You'll go easy on me? I can kill you at any moment and you know that!", Juuzou's voice was filled with hurt, not like yesterday's incident. His eyes began to shed tears but a part of him didn't make it fall. 

Haise wanted to say something, but he didn't had the courage to do it. Was it a crime for caring for the ones you love?

"Say something Haise! Say something before I leave!", Not a second had passed till arms were wrapped around the ravenette's slim body. His head burried into Haise's muscley chest. He missed the scent of the male he loves so dearly, so much that he'l terrified of losing him. It makes him weak, he doesn't like that. 

"It's not that I think you're weak, it's just I think Im weak. I'm afraid— no, terrified! Of losing you. And it scares me.. it scares me so much. How you're that strong, and I can't protect you.", The words rang down in Haise's tongue, it was honestly stupid. Stupid how he can get this emotional, how he could get this wrecked. Juuzou Suzuya was dopamine, and he was the user who was drugly corrupted. If he loses him now, he could lose himself too.

Haise felt small slender arms, push him away. The tears on Juuzou's eyes start to fall, and for the very first time Haise Sasaki felt pain more agonizing than every stab from a kagune of a ghoul.

His lover storms off, leaving his jacket behind. The rest of the squad would be worried if he doesn't come back after awhile. For that Haise heads back to the training room, ego wins again.

Three days, Three days since Juuzou hadn't been showing up not showing himself to him. Even when times where he heads to his office to give him an apology gift. Some flowers only ended up in trashcans, some were decorated at the Chateau's dining table. Haise's head was slumped unto the table as he waits for the dish to cook, the rest of the quinx were out doing there own thing. Mutsuki still stayed at the 13th wards's chateau for obvious reasons, The ghoul investigator sighed, not even caring that he starts to smell smoke from the rice cook- SMOKE FROM THE RICE COOKER?

The man springs into action, and opens the pot to reveal slightly burnt rice, but not too burned. The quinx actually like it when it's slightly overcooked.

He rolls his eyes in disappointment, little did he know that Shirazu had his arms tucked between his elbows as a disappointed look on his face. Haise then turns around, startled as the orange haired male raise his eyebrows.

"Sit and talk before I tell the rest of the squad"

While waiting for the other meals to cook, Haise proceeded to share his inner thoughts with Shirazu, how calm it felt that his subordinate listens to every word that exits his mouth. How he easily understood the situation and most importantly. How stupid the two of them have been for doubting each other's capabilities.

"Im sorry that you had to see your mentor like this, I probably failed your expectations.", Haise sobbed. Serving the freshly cooked beef stew at the table.

"Sassan seing you like this and expressing great emotions to a person that you care about makes my respect higher than it already is", The latter cooed. Helping sort out the plates on the table. "It's not a sin for caring for the ones you love, you're not selfish. You're just worried. And I think that's incredible"

A weak smile is shed, as words from his subordinate rang a bell that calmed his running mind. The student teaches the teacher. What an amazing concept.

xxx

The frilliest dresses stacked upon the cart that Hanbee had offered to buy as long as Juuzou has to wear it, were perfectly packed and being carried out to the van by his team mates. Though Juuzou hasn't exactly picked the right dress for the upcoming mission, nor the wig. He scans through the amounts of clothes yet no sign of that right disguise that could make his old guardian notice him easily.

Mutsuki on the other hand has already purchased an outfit so quickly, Juuzou noticed that while buying the simple dress that the male's hands were shaking. It wasn't a secret that he was actually a girl. But the older male knew that Mutsuki didn't want anyone to find out. He respected that.

He tried, he really tried to ignore the fact that it had been a hefty week of ignoring his boyfriend. To the point that Haise even looked tired of trying. And there he thought he was persistent like the man he says to be. Guess he was not. In all honesty the rage and anger had faded, his calm and cool facade was very persuasive, making the others think that he isnt affected with the quarrel, but in reality he was a ticking time bomb that wanted to ran into the chateau and slam Haise with his eternal love and affection. Sadly, he was just of a coward to do that. He missed him so badly yet he keeps driving him away, like a lever Juuzou's mind shifts as Mutsuki catches his attention.

“You’re awfully distracted Suzuya-san, aren’t you gonna pick your outfit so we can leave?”, Mutsuki questioned.

“Im sorry, it’s just— I don’t know”, The ravenette grabs the nearest shopping cart and enters a seemingly gothic store. Sending shivers down the younger investigator’s spine. The atmosphere goves them the creeps, but Juuzou being too distracted enters the store without hesitation.

“You boys need help or anything?”, The punk looking cashier asked, her nails were being filed as her body was slumped down the moving chair. Shaking their heads in disagreement.

“Is it wrong Mutsuski? Am I selfish?”

“Selfish for what?”

Juuzou eyes Mutsuki, he thought their relationship would pretty much be obvious by now considering the odd distance between them.

“Y’know, is it wrong for wanting to spend time with Haise...”, he still can’t believe he managed to say that. “I thought everyone was aware by now that me and Haise aren’t in good terms after the meeting with the chairman.

“For the past few months I felt that our relationship was slowly crumbling as responsibilities and pressure kept piling up onto our faces”, Juuzou continues. “It’s like there’s this massive gap that holds the both us apart, and it honestly hurts so bad.”

An arm latches upon the older male to soothe him down. The both boys lay on the dressing room, silence taking over before Juuzou continues. 

“Ever since the both of us had our squad we barely got time for eachother, That’s why I wanted to join the infiltration mission with you so he’ll be somewhat proud of me, and more importantly with every day there’s this huge and massive risk of the both of us dying at every single moment.”

“Im not afraid to die, but I am afraid of losing him”, The words echoed down Mutsuki’s head, such passion for a male who looks so care free and a blood thirsty killer. 

“It’s not your fault that Haise’s busy, it’s his cause he’s such an amazing investigator, an amazing mentor, an amazing... human being in general”, The ravenette sighed and leaned his head on the red wall of the dressing room. He looks up to the ceiling and spots red elegant wallpapers that contrasted the claustrophobic space, it was pretty. 

“Suzuya-san, What’s stopping you then?”, The silence from Mutsuski earlier was from thinking. 

“What?”

“What’s stopping you from telling eachother how you feel?”, The green haired male beckons. “The both of you are very strong and independent investigators, it’ll take like 10 owls to knock the both of you out.”, he jokes. Juuzou slowly snickering too, it was enjoyable to hear Mutsuki’s voice where he didn’t tend to stutter a lot.

“The both you have only eachother and yet you still manage to quarrel a week away from a suicide-like mission tomorrow”

“Im probably the wrong person to say this but, The Quinx or your squad, or the priorities you have to attend aren’t the reasons why the both of you have been distant, it’s the lack of communication, the lack of understanding, If the both of you to lose one another then do your best to protect them with your life, it’s really just that simple. Your desires are your weakness but also your strength”, Juuzou looks at Mutsuki who has a distinct expression in his face, the look of recognition. The satisfaction of mirroring the person’s sayings that helped him away from rough times. It was refreshing.

“Hey Mutsuki, Ithink I found the perfect costume”. His subordinate tries to hide the big sigh that he exhales from release.

On that same day Haise arrives at his office, a cup of coffee with a sticky note with familiar messy hand writing sits at his table.

‘Hope you had a nice day’ xiii

The coffee was warm. 

—-

The day of the extermination, investigators scattered across the auction to prepare for battle, as microphones and cameras were settled in some of the disguised members that were entering the building. Mutsuki sat at the near trailer where the investigators fixed themselves up. Saiko was fanning Mutsuki’s face in hopes of not ruining his make up, Urie’s head was all over the game and kept a calm and composed expression of excitement of getting a promotion after exterminating many ghouls. While on the other hand.. Haise was..

“THIS IS INSANE, WHY DID I EVEN AGREE TO THIS, FUCK- FUCK-“

“Sassan, calm down Juuzou’s gonna be fine”, Shirzau tries to calm him down, their superior pacing and prancing around like an impatient child. It makes Urie’s eyes roll, waiting for them to get called to proceed to their battle formations.

“CALM? HOW CAN I BE CALM IT’S LIKE WE’RE PROSTITUTING MY BOYFRIEND DAMMIT!”, Haise almost yells, thankfully not getting heard by the rest of the investigators who were in the same area.

“Mamman, you wouldn’t want Akira-san to see you like this right?”, Saiko says unamused; continuing to fan air into Mutsuki’s face.

“Yeah, Calm..”, The ghoul investigator breathes in and out. Trying his hardest to relax.

“Remember what we talked about, Sassan”, Shirazu then reminds him, standing up and patting his back. Not a moment had passed till Juuzou exits the trailer her was being transformed by Akira. For a moment Haise’s jaw dropped and so did every investigator that saw the doll-looking ravenette.

“S-suzuya-san is that even you?!”, Saiko runs all the way there and takes a closer look at him. “Y-you’re like the girls from the anime I watch! Holy crap!”

“Fixed him up real good huh? He’s like a doll.”, Akira adds, smiling in satisfaction. As compliments soon rained, his eyes were heavily glued into the love of his life. Who obviously tried his hardest not to take a glance at him. Little did Juuzou know that Haise Sasaki was at the edge of screaming his lungs out on how beautiful he is.

But now’s not the time to just stare and wait, Juuzou comes forward with his hands behind his back as he walks forward to Haise. Shirazau flicks Haise’s head up, and hazel and ruby eyes meet at an instant.

The both of them stare at eachother with Juuzou looking up because his lover was honestly too tall for his own good. Like a fairytale, all eyes were on them as they waited for eachother to say something.

“I-“, They both said in chorus.

“W-we should probably head out to talk”, Juuzou insists, signaling the shed over that tree. Haise agrees and follows. 

Juuzou gives in a deep breath. The both of them say “I-“ In chorus again.

“You go first-“

“No, you. It’s fine”

Haise then speaks up, his hands fumbling in his pocket as he tried to dodge Juuzou’s direction. He looks like a doll, so small, so pale, so cute. He wants to burry him in his grasp and never let him go. Oh how he wished that he could just run away with him at this very moment. 

“I know feelings were hurt, pride had won and I’ve been a huge dick”, The taller man gathers all his courage and look at Juuzou straight in the eye. “Im sorry, I am really sorry.”

Yet the moment he had finished his sentence Juuzou had made his way to dug deep in Haise’s arms. Pressing his face on the other male’s chest and inhaling the sweet scent he had missed so much. A muble from Juuzou can be heard, it was silent but Haise heard every second of it. “I am sorry too”, it was plain and sweet but Haise hugged him back, caressing the soft and silky wig. He forgot how it felt to have Juuzou in his arms, it was like holding a small cat. So small and delicate.

Juuzou looked up at Haise, his lover’s hands trailed up his cheeks and cups them gently as they stare into each other’s eyes. Longing. 

“Can I kiss you?”, Haise asks, slightly flustered. 

“Can you?”

The kiss was short yet the both of then were completely satisfied with it, a giggle escapes Juuzou’s mouth. Getting some marks of lip gloss on Haise’s lips. Not long till Juuzou was called out to head over the Nut cracker’s location. 

Haise knew better now, he knew that his lover was strong. They could handle this, and they could survive. Their hands stayed intertwined till Haise heads over the area where Nutcracker was supposed to pick them up. 

“I’ll see you later, love”

The ravenette then nodded, eventually the nutcracker arrives. The ccg filming the entire scene in a cctv camera at a broken post light. Haise watches at a distance on how Juuzou and Mutsuki were rather calm and seemed to handle things pretty well. A contented sigh from Haise, he can’t deny that thoughts and ‘what if’s’ still bothered him, but that wasn’t his concern anymore. He wanted to live, he wants to live for him. Juuzou felt the same way too as sleeping gas fills the black tainted car, one thing on their mind the whole time.

‘I’ll survive’

**Author's Note:**

> let’s just pretend that It’s not 3am and Im not entirely wasted for staying up all night writing this


End file.
